My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
