i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
