We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
