trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
