aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
