were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
