; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
