I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
