When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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