Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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