You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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