captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
