That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
