Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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