I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
