dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
