you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
