This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
