If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
