just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
