yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
