the condom got lost in my hair
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I have aggressive nipples.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
