Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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