I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
