we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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