he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Randomize
