When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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