new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
