well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
