ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she looked like the before picture.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
