Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
