just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
