No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
