I can't watch pbs sober anymore
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
