I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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