I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
