Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just blew my weed a kiss
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
