I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
i now understand why vodka
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
