I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
