My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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