He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
