end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
