he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
