Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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