Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
