babies were throwing up all over the place
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
