I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
