Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
