I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
