dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
