put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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