I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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